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Broken down or a breakdown? – Paige Scott

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am NOT a morning person. As much as I have tried, I realize that I am just not wired that way. I’ve tried all the tips to be a better morning person: go to bed earlier, setting the alarm clock across the room so that you have to get up, go to bed at the same time and get up at the same time every day, yada yada yada……. None of those things work for me……….. not a one! And with 5 built-in alarm clocks (5 kids), I have to pretend to be somewhat of a morning person.
This is why my coffee is so important to me (hence the previous blog “I Miss My Starbucks”) and my morning coffee has now been reduced to heating my Folgers’s coffee single in an old mug. Do you know the fastest way to get your water heated to help you wake up in the morning?……………………. Yes, that would be the microwave, that wonderful American invention that enables our instant gratification, processed food society. Well, guess what? Since I had to give up my Starbucks, I have come to rely on my microwave every day. It takes one minute and thirty seconds to heat up my coffee single and then I am on the road to becoming a better morning person.
So this morning I stumbled into my kitchen to get my coffee started and after the one minute and thirty seconds was up, my water was still cold! Man, I thought I pushed that Start button………..I must really be tired! After another try at this, I realized that the damn thing was broken! Yes, broken! How was I going to be a better mom to my kids in the morning? How was I going to heat their bacon that I just bought on sale at Wal-Mart for $1.79? Their chicken nuggets, their bagels, the Tostino’s pizza rolls that tasted good but gave everyone indigestion…….. and everything else???? Damn, I had gone from all my gourmet coffee and my fresh, organic menu to all this cheap stuff and now I had no way to cook it all! I know I could have used my Viking 6-range gas burner but hello, that takes way too long when you are rushing out the door with 5 kids, and my gas bill had come way down since switching to my American diet.
I pondered it all for about 30 minutes and decided to break down and call the service repair guy. “Yes, my microwave is broken and I need someone to come fix it. How much will that be? $79.95 just to come look at it and then the repair fee on top of that? Well, I guess so. How else will I be able to cook all this damn stuff I just bought at Wal-Mart?”
The service guy arrives promptly 3 hours later and looks at it for 1 minute, informs me it is a Samsung and that he cannot fix a Samsung microwave. “Well, thank you for checking it out! Guess I will call someone else!” He stands in my kitchen looking at me like an alien, shifts his feet and pulls out his invoice for $79.95. “You mean I still have to pay you the $79.95 even though you were here for one minute (less time than it takes to heat my water for my coffee) and you can’t fix it and I still have to pay you the $79.95?” “Yes, ma’am, that is correct.” “WHAT A CROCK!” I paid the jerk with the smirk on his face and hoped the door hit his big butt on the way out!
And then I sat down and cried. I know you are thinking that $79.95 is nothing to cry over, but it is since I had to break down earlier in the week and pay $179.00 to replace my windshield that had cracked all the way across and made me look like white trash driving my old Suburban in my gated community. It was a lot since I also had just written the checks for the kids’ soccer trophies, their soccer parties, the coaches’ gifts, the Earth Day donations for school, the dog who had to go to the vet AND my husband’s drivers license renewal, new shoes for the girls, the glass that broke on our outdoor lantern, my tail light, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera………. I am not trying to have a pity party but all this the month after my husband comes home to tell me there will be no raises and no bonuses, and perhaps a pay cut……… so indulge me while I do have my own pity party for a second!
After I finished my mini breakdown, I promptly got into my old Suburban with the new windshield and the new tail light and drove as fast as I could to Starbucks to order my Grande café latte……………….all the while with the radio blaring the Natasha Bedingfield song “Take me awaaaayy, a better place, a sweet escape, a hiding place, take me away, please take me awayyyyyyy! I’ve got a pocket, got a pocket full of sunshine, oh and it’s all mine…………..take me away, a sweet escape, a BETTER DAY……….TAKE ME AWAY!”
And then my cell phone rang and it was back to reality (which should be a four letter word)………….. “Hello, ma’am ………..this is the repair man again. I double checked that serial number on your microwave and it is actually a Maytag which we can service…………….that will be another $79.95 service fee and $453.00 for the broken part. What time would you like us to come out to repair that?”