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Stick to the Budget - Ashley Taylor

I wrote this in my journal on August 11, 2008.  The economy had yet to really tank and I obviously was very confused about what was happening.  Nothing has changed; Matt and I now merely have a lot of people clinging to our life raft whereas back in August we were out at sea, bobbing around all by ourselves……………………..

I have forever been jealous of people who use the word budget in their vocabulary.  “Oh, the Disney Cruise is not in the budget but…” or “Steve just upped our monthly grocery budget so I can afford toilet paper now” to “I had enough money left from my budget to buy this fabu new Dior bag!” (Actually, let’s be honest.  That last person has never really had a budget in her life, so it doesn’t really count). 

Similar to the above example, I have never had a budget and I started working when I was 15.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  My non budgeting life was not due to unlimited funds.  Quite opposite actually.  It was because I never had enough money to even devise a budget.  As soon as I had a job my father announced that he would provide only those things that were available at Safeway (the grocery chain in Texas at the time); the rest was up to me.  This included shoes, clothes, school food, gas, movies, etc.  I was always the one in the school cafeteria who would ask “are you going to eat that?” praying that they would say no because I was always hungry.  How on earth could I possibly afford a school lunch much less perms and cheerleading uniforms?

My first job was as a hostess at The Black Eyed Pea.  I am not sure if it was even legal for a 15 year old to work, but hey, it’s Texas.  I cannot remember how much minimum wage was back in 1984 but I can assure you that it was not enough to cover my expenses – even in the back woods of Texas.  I can say that my father stuck to his end of the bargain, naturally.  Other than paying for all of the education my little brain could possibly endure, he was off limits.  In fact, I do not remember my father ever giving me a penny beyond my 14^th birthday.  I wear this like a badge of merit, I am proud of it.  Damn, he was hard core but I am a survivor as a result.

This was my way of life up until I got married.  I was always broke, always just scraping by.  I remember when I was in boarding school (all of the education my little brain could possibly endure – remember?), all of my friends would go to Georgetown or New York for the summer to stay in some swanky pad for their internship.  I, on the other hand, would just head out to the nearest restaurant/bar and work for tips.  No pity party here though, believe me.  I was living proof to the song “Blondes Have More Fun”.  It was a learning experience waaaaaay beyond anything Capital Hill could ever offer.

I was dirt ass poor in college.  I know, everyone is poor in college, right?  College/poor/college/poor.  But I really was.  My father paid for books, a dorm room and a meal plan.  The rest was, as always, up to me.  On one hand I was so fortunate.  On the other, it was hard when you were looking to order a pizza, buy a bikini or simply put quarters in the meter.  Thank God it was the late 80’s and stylish to wear your boyfriends XXL sweatshirts and boxer shorts to class.  Otherwise my wardrobe would have been so lame.  I survived and once again am one of a kind when it comes to work ethics and endurance.  I do not expect a handout or a golden parachute.  I have a brain and common sense.  That is more than enough to get by, even in today’s economy. 

So, let’s fast forward to my current situation.  You know, the one that makes me stare at the ceiling all night.  Ahhhhhh, that one.  How on earth did someone who was taught differently end up in debt at (almost) age 40?  I am not sure exactly.  See, this is why I am furiously writing this blog.  I don’t quite get it. Both my husband and I are smart, kind people.  Now, we have never had a budget either.  But before you say “AHA!” just hear me out.  See, we have lived off of commission sales for almost 14 years now.  We just live hand to mouth. 

Ashley: “Honey, can we afford to eat at Al Biernat’s tonight?”

Matt:  “If not, I will go make more money”

It is hard to devise a budget when you seriously do not know what kind of income the month will bring you.  Some months it is pouring in – so you sock some away.  Other times you are lucky if you can even get a warm body in the car to see real estate.  It’s just such a roller coaster way of life.  The difference between the last year and the previous 13 years is that all of the warm bodies have died.  There aren’t any warm bodies.  This man, this real estate genius, who I thought was an unstoppable force has suddenly stopped.  And I just cannot wrap my head around it.  How can someone who is so smart, hard working and a gentleman to his core just come to a grinding halt?  Are we bad people? No.  Are all of these builders who have ended their lives bad people?  No. What about the ones who are bankrupt and starting over in a different career?  Are they bad?  No.  Hell, even the hedge fund billionaire folk aren’t bad people.  They went to school, studied hard and I bet my bottom dollar worked 65+ hours a week to make it happen.  We all were just living the American dream.  Ain’t nothing wrong with living up to your potential.  I do it everyday.