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A Riches to Rags Tale (Tail) - Paige Scott

I still remember the conversation as if it was yesterday.

Mother-in-law:  I think it would be so cute if you got the two older boys a puppy.

Me: Awww, that would be so cute since we are expecting our 3^rd child. 

Mother-in-law:  Let me get the puppy for them.  I really want to do this for them and I will take the time to research dogs and get them the perfect one. 

Me: How sweet of you!  Just remember that the boys are only 3 and 1 and we are fixing to have another baby any day now.  I don’t care if it’s a mutt from the pound….. just make sure it’s potty trained.  I don’t need anything else around here that doesn’t know where to pee or poop!

My mother-in-law must have totally zoned out on that last part of the conversation.  Boy, did she ever do the research on the dogs!  Exactly one month to the day of my third son being born, we received  a 3 month old puppy.  A beautiful Bichon Frise.

Bichon Frise:    They are happy, playful, intelligent and mischievous. The Bichon is happiest when around people. Bichon Frises are very obedient if training is started early and continued consistently.

Bichon Frises will be difficult to housetrain or appear not to be housetrained if not happy or left alone too much.  (source: Wikipedia)

A beautiful Bichon Frise……….from France.  Lyon, France.  Seriously.  A purebred, authentic, French dog from France.  A cute, white, fluffy ball of white fur with button black eyes with the temperament of a jealous little kid when not given all the attention.   All that with a 3 year old, a one year old and a brand new baby.  All that for the bargain price of $4,500 (yes, that is four thousand five hundred dollars in American dollars).  All that for a holy terror of hell, un-housetrained Bichon Frise!

Two weeks into the new puppy that the kids affectionately called Scamper, I called in a doggy psychologist.  After 6 weeks of working with her (and $600 later), we decided that it was too much.  The bitch kept peeing and pooping on our bed every day in defiance because we were giving all of our attention to the children and not enough to her (and by the way, the last time I checked, “bitch” IS the politically correct term for a female dog.)

So cute little Scamper found her way back to my mother-in-law.  After another round of training (another $600) and practicing her commands with my father-in-law every day, she was on her way to trying to be a better dog.  Or do you think it could possibly be that she was now the “Queen Bee” and the only “child?”  Talk about S-P-O-I-L-E-D. 

Scamper now had her own cute little decorated crate that sat at the front window so that she could see all the goings on in the neighborhood.  In the crate, she had enough stuffed toys and doggy play things to share with all the dogs in Rhode Island.

She had her own organic, kosher gourmet dog food and dog treats rich in antioxidants, vitamins and minerals.   These could only be purchased at a specialty dog store.  If needed, she had a special formulation of dog biscuits that addressed anxiety, digestion, circulation and joint movements.  Hell, I needed those!

Scamper had her very own Frederic Fekkai hairbrush, two types of specialty eye creams to alleviate the dark areas around her eyes (I am serious), a luxury dog carrier to get her back and forth to the groomer, SPA day that was scheduled for every 3 weeks at the same day/time at the doggy boutique spa, 2 Donald Pliner leashes, 1 Donald Pliner black patent dog collar, 1 Donald Pliner pink patent leather dog collar, AND THE KICKER…………………………………………………..                                         

drum roll, please …………………………………………………………………….

Her very own *authentic Louis Vuitton dog leash and matching collar……………………………………………. TA DA! 

Can you even believe it?  This dog was living better than most Americans and much better than my children!  And she was spoiled rotten!

Now that I have shared the “RICHES” part, you are thinking that the “RAGS” part is due to the recession and that is only partly true.  The “RAGS” part comes in because my mother-in-law passed away (God rest her soul) and guess what??????? 

We got Scamper back!  Oh, yay!

Since I have 5 kids to take care of, poor little Scamper is no longer the “Queen Bee”.  In fact, she is the total opposite.  First of all, I never would have pampered a dog so much, and especially now that we are in the midst of the recession, Scamper is at the bottom of the totem pole!   Her dog food is now Mighty Dog purchased by the case at Wal-Mart for $5.94.  Treats?  What treats?  She has had to start wearing her hair much shorter due to the ……….ummm, matting (gasp!).  The groomer gave me a lecture about combing her properly (daily) with her Frederic Fekkai brush and to not let the kids get her wet anymore because it mattes the hair.  Yeah, right.  You come over to my house during bath time with 5 kids and you can then tell me to not let the kids get the dog’s hair wet!  And first of all, you should know I sold that expensive hairbrush on eBay.  Second of all, it is a good day if I brush my own damn hair so sorry, but the little bitch is going to be matted and maybe we can start a new trend in reggae looks for dogs.

Now, I will have to fess up and let you know that I do still have the Louis Vuitton dog leash and collar (although it is too short for me to use on Scamper as I am taller than my mother-in-law was.)  But hey, it’s fun to say that we actually have a Louis Vuitton dog leash and collar, and the kids have fun putting them on their stuffed animals and walking them all around the house.  I could probably sell them and feed half of Houston for a week, but I don’t want Scamper to totally hit rock bottom!  Besides, she IS an avant-garde dog from France and she needs to hold onto some of her vanity during this recession.   P.S.  Plus, I really don’t have the funds to call in the doggy psychologist yet again.

*The really funny part is that this Louis Vuitton purchase was made by my mother-in-law in the fall of 2008.  Based on my calculations, we were already in the midst of the recession.