I have been trying to figure out how to lose 20 pounds by Tuesday (of this week.)  That gives me all of 2 days.  As I was contemplating this over a glass of wine with my husband at the pool last night, a voice came out of nowhere that said, “Man, I have lost 20 pounds just from working out in this heat at the pool this summer!  That’s how you could lose 20 pounds fast!” 

I looked over at this eavesdropping intruder only to find a young man, a boy actually.

Me:  “Ummmm, excuse me, but how old are you?”

Boy:  “Oh, I am eighteen years old, ma’am.”

Me:  “Oh well, young man, I am twice your age and I know this Texas heat is like a sauna.  But if I wanted to lose 20 pounds, I would have to run around the pool ALL day every day and not eat one thing for six weeks straight, so really…….. that’s good advice and all, but I don’t think that would work for me.” 

Why would an eighteen year old try to give out weight loss advice in the first place?  Don’t they drop weight just by looking at a diet book?  Anyhow, back to how I can lose 20 pounds in two days and WHY I want to lose 20 pounds.  It’s because on Tuesday I AM GOING TO PARIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Ahhhh……………..Paris!  The food, the baguettes, the wine, the sidewalk cafes, the Eiffel Tower, the art, the bistros, the shopping, the lights, the casinos, the gambling!  Oh, did you think I meant Paris, France?  No, silly, I am going to Paris in Las Vegas!  In case you haven’t been reading my blog, we can’t afford France at the moment.

Not that I didn’t dream of going to Paris this summer.  Last year we actually were making plans to return to Paris.  We hadn’t been in THIRTEEN years!  I was so excited!  We decided that the summer of 2009 would be perfect since it would be my 40^th birthday and our 15^th wedding anniversary.  Hey, you only turn 40 once and you only celebrate your 15^th anniversary once, too (well, with the same person.)  So we were preparing our trip to Paris.  I went out and bought all the books to prepare for our trip, eight books to be exact. 

As we were looking at the flights and the hotel, the stock market tanked and Chris informed me that we had to start budgeting every month.   Hmmmm, here’s how my budget was looking:

Mortgage - $________

Car payment - $________

Utilities (gas, water, electric) - $________

Phone / Cell phones - $________

Groceries - $_________

Gasoline - $________

Clothing - $________

Misc. - $_______

Insurance - $_______

School Tuition - $________

Savings - $ yeah, right!

Nanny - $ do you want me to lose my freaking mind?

Cleaning Service - $ you’ve obviously never seen me clean or else you’ve mistaken me for a domestic person, which I am not

Yard Service - $ really, he’s cheap and allows us not to get turned in for violating my deed restrictions

Trip to Paris - $ I really couldn’t squeeze this in as you can see from the above budget.  How to justify $6,000 plus when DH didn’t get a bonus or a raise?   (sigh)

So here I am two days before my trip to Paris (Las Vegas) eating a bag of Cheetos, drinking some chardonnay and wondering how to lose 20 pounds by Tuesday.  Oh well, maybe I will pull out my Paris books and practice up on my French since I will be taking an actual tour of the Eiffel Tower.

Joi de vivre, c’est la vie…….. and maybe one day I will find my way back to the real gay Pair-eee.